Sometimes, looking in the mirror, I say to myself: I know that guy. Really? Are you sure? How do I know who I am or who we are? The mirror? If you ask around, the mirror might warp … especially the fun house ‘mirror’ of others’ opinions of us.

Let me toss out a thought: nobody really knows who they are.  People most convinced about their identity are troublesome to say the least – and harmful to say the most.

It’s not that identity is unimportant. For many of us it often becomes fixed and overrated. Trying to resolve identity issues for others or oneself is often an avoidant tumble down the rabbit hole.

Identity, necessary as it is indispensable, is a momentary positioning in time and space within the living fabric of our relationships – personal, familial and communal. Identity is a bit in a multifaceted transient conversation about one’s place in the world. The indispensable   value of our identities is corrupted only when our conversations become fixed.  Low self-esteem and other difficult identity issues are a function of thwarted and flawed conversations. Identity is not a thing or fixed statement. Identity is a fluid word in a flowing and complex river of the narratives we create among ourselves.

When we meet there is always an opportunity to step together in to a space where identity has not yet arrived.  If we avoid that space, often uncomfortable, we either fuse in a repetition of what we already know or bounce off each other in some judgment of certitude and avoidance of discomfort. Either way, we stay put and tighten the knots in our hearts and minds. Beneath the momentary joys of confirmation lurk the silenced possibilities of discovery wrapped in anxiety and depression.

The tyranny and illusion of identity issues are detoxified only in the small moments of risk and courage to listen; to listen and speak in that space of discovery and unknown possibility between us. Identity is a continuous discovery of the possibilities awaiting our courage to risk meeting without agenda.

***

Heterogenetic grace

conversations

true

meetings with death

moments

holding

hope of resurrection

©  2017 James Donnelly, DSW.LCSW

All rights reserved

South Garden Press, New York

For thoughts and comments, please e mail to: jdonnellydsw@gmail.com